A Smile from Heaven: Remembering Life Lessons from my Grandmother

It has been two years since the love of my life has departed. I often imagined what it would feel like to live a live without my grandmother.  I even tried to prepare myself emotionally, but just as I could not control the outcome, I could not control my feelings.  I had so much fear, because my grandmother has been the only constant human in my life, the one who has loved me unconditionally from the beginning of my life and to the end of hers.  My parents were very young when I was born, so they leaned on others to care for me.  I have struggled with feelings of abandonment, safety, and rejection for as long as I could give those feelings a name. My grandmother was my safety net who made me feel wanted and loved.  Even as her diagnosis of Dementia advanced, I could see the love she had for me through her beautiful smile when I entered a room. Therefore, you can only imagine how grief wore me out and at times became unbearable.  On January 8, 2022, my grandmother took her last breath, and it was as if my life support was disconnected.  I was existing, but not finding any joy in the life I was living.

At a certain point, I started to feel a renewed sense of life coursing through my veins. Amid grief, I found solace in clinging to the invaluable life lessons that my grandmother imparted to me during her time on this earth.

Here are 8 things I remember about my grandmother that have filled me with waves of joy and served as the blueprint for my present and future:

1.     She walked by Faith and not by sight:  I admired her faith in God.  She truly believed in putting all her trust in God.

2.     She was a Dreamer: I loved our dream talks. I always wanted to do everything I was told I could not do. My grandmother would say, “That’s you baby! Do it!” I knew what she meant by this. I remember asking her about her dreams and she told me how she wanted to attend Xavier University and become a teacher, but she went to work instead.  She said how she let that dream go once she got married. I told her I will do it for you and, I did graduate from two HBCUs.

3.     She was a Giver and Kind: She would give her last to help someone in need.  She would show up for her family, friends, and the community with her time and/or money.

4.     She was Wise: My grandmother was my advice giver; my Counselor and I trusted her to guide me on my real big decisions. The last decision she helped me through and before her diagnosis with Dementia was if I should move to New Orleans, Louisiana. Although I would be closer to her, she told me she didn’t think it was a good idea.  A few months later, the city of New Orleans experienced the most devastating act of nature that took years of recovery.  Yes, I am speaking of Hurricane Katrina.  I never moved and have been in Houston area ever since.

5.     She was Prideful and Humble: My grandmother took pride in who she was. Her kids often teased her about how she carried herself. I always admired her for this. She was poised, but also walked with humility.  She lived modestly, and she took good care of everything she bought or received.

6.     She was Organized: I love preparing and planning. I realized I watched my grandmother organize her life for years and taught me to do the same. I watched her iron her clothes for the month and/or weekly. She packed her lunch and lived by a daily routine.

7.     She had a sense of humor: My grandmother loved to laugh. She knew how to crack jokes that got everyone going mostly her iconic one liner.  She had a sense of humor I admired deeply.

8.     She had a Smile that was Heaven sent: My grandmother’s smile would light up a room. Her smile would let me know everything would be just fine.

Today, I am filled with gratitude for the valuable lessons that my grandmother has imparted to me. Her smile, which feels like a gift from Heaven, brings me joy and appreciation.

Have you ever faced a significant loss in your life? How have you coped with the process of grieving? What are some important life lessons that you have learned from your loved one?

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